Monday / July 04 / 2011
Choose only a date who would make a good mate: don’t settle
Skip and I always taught our children not to settle — whether it be their choice for college, a job, or even something simple like a chocolate chip cookie. Why? Because you live what you practice.
Let’s say you’re jonesing for a chocolate chip cookie. You’ve been craving one all day and your mouth is watering just thinking about it (oh yes, we’ve all been there). En route home, you stop by the 7-11 and pick up a pre-packaged solution to your craving, giving you some small level of satisfaction.
In its purest sense, you haven’t fulfilled your desire, you simply filled a void. You settled. This becomes ever apparent when you arrive home to the smell of homemade, hot-out-of-the-oven chocolate chip cookies your Mom baked specially for you. *ouch*
I understand wanting to be loved, but for some reason clarity dissipates when it comes to love-n-affection and we settle for filling the void. As long as we have someone to play with, cuddle with, and tell us we’re pretty, we deceive ourselves into thinking we’re satisfied and fulfilling some sense of self-worth — all the while missing the opportunity to find Mr. Right.
At a leadership conference several years ago, Skip-n-I had the privilege of hearing Steven Sample, former president of the University of Southern California and author of The Contrarian’s Guide to Leadership, who said something that really struck me. He said (and I’m paraphrasing here): every book you choose to read robs you of the opportunity to read something else.
Our here-and-now, microwave society has clouded our better judgement when it comes to seeking long-term, committed relationships with someone who will love us in spite of our shortcomings. And if I may borrow a thought from Mr. Sample, the time you spend dating Mr. Makes Me Feel Good For Now is time you’re stealing from finding Mr. Right.
Every decision matters. Every fork in the road is important. Choose wisely.
Mike Dooley of TUT®’s whole thing is this: Thoughts become things…choose the good ones. If you KNOW he’s not someone you’ll spend the rest of your life with, get out now. Read a different book. You deserve it. (Hint: if he’s straight up told he he’ll never marry you or have kids, and you want to get married and have kids… he’s not The One.)
Don’t settle for someone simply to fill a void. The shame is not just in the settling or the likelihood of heartbreak, but in the choice you’ve made to rob yourself of the opportunity to meet someone else.
As you justify you’re “just having fun”, consider this: the more you traverse the ‘settle’ road with him, the greater the possibility you’re missing Mr. Right on the road running parallel.
Your life is meaningful. Your happily-every-after matters. Act like it.