Wednesday / January 04 / 2012
How to know when he or she is “the one”
Skip-n-I were in between sessions at a Worship & Warfare conference in Albany when things got a little heated between us (not sexy-heated, but warfare-heated).
We’d been dating for several months and I was young enough that I was unfazed by people seeing us argue.
Skip smartly suggested we move our conversation to the parking lot, where he would attempt to squelch our anger escalation (this was pre-“Floaty Talk”, but same idea).
Standing in the parking lot, Skip articulated his love and adoration for me by pronouncing, “Well, God told me you’re going to be my wife.”
Now, before you tilt your head, utter “awwwwww!”, and envision me leaping into his arms so he can spin me around, you should hear my smug, self-assured response…
“Well, when He tells me… I’ll let you know!”
I’ve often been asked, when did you know Skip was “the one”? Clearly, it wasn’t in the parking lot that day. Or any single day for that matter. It’s not as simple as a date and time.
I believe in God-ordained relationships. I believe in purposed encounters. I believe in ‘love at first sight’ — but only when it translates, “Wow, I can really see myself falling for this guy” (and then one day doing just that). But in no way do I believe you can see someone and instantly know you love them.
Love at its very core is the highest level of pure acceptance, despite all the warts. Something you couldn’t possibly achieve with a glance.
People say when you meet “the one”, you’ll just know. But how do you know — and when do you know?
Determining when you know is not like an “ah ha!” moment. Yes, there may be a moment where you find yourself thinking, “I’m going to marry this man”, but it’s never because of that one instance. Rather, it’s a compilation of similarly emotionally-charged moments. The when doesn’t happen once. It happens over and over throughout your courtship (even after you’ve said, “yes, I will marry you!”)
It’s like asking, “are you in love?” — or, “are you being in love?” (Grammar aside — play along with me here). One suggests you’re there and done — the other, that you’re there and continue to be there, over and over again.
I vote for the latter.
As much as you may fall head-over-heels for someone ‘at first sight’, make sure you’ve seen their warts before you commit to loving them for all time (…the warts and the person).
Let’s commit to being in love, and then (and only then) to “the one” forevermore. That’s the recipe for Happily Ever After.