Thursday / January 31 / 2013
When depression grabs the reigns
A fave perk about working for yourself is no alarm clock. That… and having a boss who thinks you’re pretty great!
My innate wiring makes me a “night owl” which means I often work well into the wee hours. It energizes me.
It’s true I can function ‘just fine’ in the morning but would just as soon never see anything earlier than about 8:00am. Okay, 9:00am. I am definitely my Momma’s daughter (although she’s more honest, so she would admit 10:00am!)
My “alarm clock” is typically a kiss from either Hubs or my pup. The former comes complete with sweet nothings; the latter, with the nudge of a wet nose in what we call a “force cuddle” — as in, “Wake up, Mommie! It’s time to pay attention to me!”
Kiss or no kiss, the past several weeks have found me not wanting to get out of bed… at all. Not because I’m tired or lacking sleep but simply because I don’t want to take on the day.
As I reflect on the month that’s about to become extinct, I see it’s been FILLED with spectacular things. My business is growing at warp speed, I’m in love with what I do, Hubs-n-I are giddy about ‘us’ and our future, I’m enjoying time with my grandson — and frankly, life is really good.
I’m happy, right? The answer is yes. But there’s a, “but”…
The “but” is depression. (ah, yes… I can see my fellow depression sufferers nodding with wild understanding).
Just when it seems I’ve kicked this demon to the curb (again) and “all is good”, these feelings? emotions? lack thereof? …whatever they are, seem to creep back in. It’s subtle. It’s not something that smacks me in the face. Rather, as I reflect on the month, I realize the number of times I avoided social situations, put something off, and all around hoodwinked myself and others into thinking, “nothing is wrong”.
…and then I got busted!!!
This morning, I received an email from my cherished friend Sue Stone. She reached out to, “just check in and make sure all is ok.”
Do you have friends like that? Friends who notice a change in your behavior (even as you’re waltzing around pretending the change is too subtle for anyone to notice)? Friends who reach out with heartfelt concern when they, “haven’t seen/felt your presence” in person or via social media? I cherish those friends. Heck, I want to BE a friend like that.
For me, depression is not something I struggle with every day but rather, something I grapple with in seasons, waves, or periods of time. In a word, it SUCKS!
So, guess what? I’m writing about it. WHY? Because I believe this demon “wins” when we hide it, bury it, act like it’s something to be ashamed of, or worse — assume (falsely) that a depression sufferer simply needs to ‘get over it’. By working together through communication and education, we can “normalize” depression.
Most people assume because I’m upbeat, expressive, friendly, and outgoing that I couldn’t possibly suffer with such an illness. But I do. [Read more about my personal battle here.]
I’m not in a “bad” place. I’m just not in a “good” place, either. I’m in an apathetic place which is WHY I’m forcing myself to write this post.
This is MY life and I’m committed to taking it back again and again and again.
Oh… and you should know I come armed with friends.
Love, Me xo
Thank you, sweet Susie for caring enough to be part of the solution. Being reminded you’re not alone has power beyond words. Healing power.
What if each of us reached out right now and reminded someone they are not alone? It just might be the one thing they really need (and perhaps don’t even know it yet)…