Donna Smaldone
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Sunday / October 02 / 2011

You want to do WHAT in bed? Three “must have” conversations for sexy sex [part 1 of 2]

Has your partner ever suggested trying something new, bold, or adventurous in bed?

Or worse, has he never?

Some of you are thinking, “Bold and NEW? Are you kidding? We barely even have sex at all!

It’s estimated that about 15 percent of married couples have not had sex with their spouse in the last six months to one year, according to Denise A. Donnelly, associate professor of sociology at Georgia State University, who has studied sexless marriage.

My friends, it’s time to put sexy back in sex.

If you assumed when you got married sex would even-off, become routine, or less frequent, then you assumed wrong. Or at least you assumed wrong for how it should be.

Sex was designed by God to be amazing, fulfilling, fun, adventurous, even exhilarating (um, yeah …that was your partner yelling, “AMEN!” from the other room).

Couples talk about so many things… children, finances, in-laws, vacation plans. The main thing they leave out is: sex! Which is precisely why you see married sex statistics dwindling and hear couples say things like, “sex was so much better before marriage”. It’s not because sex isn’t or can’t be good with a long-term partner. It’s because the partners stopped talking about it.

Fifty percent is on you and 50% is on your partner. 

Pregnancy. Kids. Insecurities. Busy work schedules. Illness. Mourning. Yes, life will throw itself in your way in an attempt to interrupt your sex life. It’s up to you and your partner to keep “sex” on the priority list for your love and intimacy to grow.

“And how exactly do you do that?”, you ask?

Open, honest, consistent dialogue is critical to a fulfilling, fun sex life. And not just one conversation, either (sorry all you non-conversationalists) – you need to purposefully adopt consistent conversation throughout the life of your marriage.

Tomorrow I will share the three “must have” conversations for sexy sex. But first, you must understand The Ground Rules, which are crucial to your plan being successful:

GROUND RULE ONE:
you must get over yourself
.

You must put aside your insecurities, self-doubts, and self-criticisms. Sex is well, sexy, and if you prattle on about how saggy this is, how flabby that is, how strong your intentions are for getting back in the gym, yada, yada, yada – you’re going to kill the mood (for yourself AND your partner). NO ONE is perfect. You must get over yourself.

GROUND RULE TWO:
these conversations are for the two of you and the two of you ONLY
.

You do not share these intimate conversations with your girlfriends, your buddies, your co-workers – anyone. Part of the sexiness is the private, intimate nature of these conversations. Respect that intimacy. Respect your partner. Share with him and him alone. Trust me, it will pay dividends.

Now that you know the ground rules, digest them. Own them. Make them yours. Tomorrow, we’ll explore the three “must have” conversations for sexy sex. Stay tuned…

PART II HERE…

 

 

2 responses to “You want to do WHAT in bed? Three “must have” conversations for sexy sex [part 1 of 2]”

  1. Rick says:

    Another worthwhile piece, Donna, with important, serious points. As always, I like this one, and I’m anxious to read the rest of the series.

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