Donna Smaldone
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Monday / October 03 / 2011

You want to do WHAT in bed? Three “must have” conversations for sexy sex [part 2 of 2]

“Let’s talk about SEX, baby!”

Have you or your partner ever spoken those words aloud? Couples talk about so many things yet “sex” is rarely on the Discussion Menu. No wonder fulfilling sex is waning in committed relationships.

Friends, it’s time to defy the odds. You in?

If you missed Part One of this discussion, you can catch up here.

In order to have a fulfilling, fun, adventurous sex life, you must adopt open, honest, consistent communication. 

I recently read an article suggesting the way to keep sex fresh and exciting for both partners is to have a “sex contract“. Now while I disagree with having a contract, I wholeheartedly agree that conversation is crucial, because I agree that people should not commit to be married “forever” without ever discussing their sexual wants and needs.

The Ground Rules have been laid. Now, on to the sexy talk. (Buckle up, babes!)

The 3 “Must Have” Conversations for Sexy Sex:

(1) “AFORE-Play” 
Long before you make your way to the bedroom, share your experiences with one another (yes, your sexual experiences). This is not first date dialogue – and I’m not suggesting you go into pornographic detail – but it’s important you understand where you’ve both been in order to determine how you’ll move forward together.

Share your expectations with one another. BE HONEST. Learn about his fantasies and what excites him. Hear what he says. Hear what he wants. Share likewise with him.

Nothing is off the table here. Share everything – and then talk about what works for the two of you.

Have the conversation before you have sex for the first time, and then continually throughout your marriage, outside of ‘sexy time’. Hint: if you can’t have these conversations with one another, you shouldn’t be having sex together.

(2) “INTER-course”
The conversation doesn’t stop there. Talk DURING sex. Lovingly guide his hands. Give him encouraging words. Do NOT become a Gestapo shouting out orders – but let him know by your tone, your breathing, and the motion of your body when he does something you enjoy. He’ll be so happy, he’s likely to do it more.

This is absolutely NOT the time to talk through your feelings and emotions. It is NOT the time to talk about plans for the upcoming weekend. It is time to love and be intimate with one another. Remember the sheer ecstasy of your early lovemaking times together? Yeah… that’s what you’re striving for here. Enjoy one another. Have fun.

(3) “AFTER-glow”
Talk with one another AFTER sex. Not necessarily immediately after – though this does tend to be the ideal time to share what you loved and what you’ll never forget. He’s your man. Let him know he rocked your world!

NOTE: this is not ‘report card’ time.

Admittedly, these conversations may be awkward or uncomfortable at first. But just like anything, the more you practice, the better you get. That’s why I suggest you have some fun “high five” type moments immediately after, and then be conscious to talk more the next day. Not every time. Not in a dissect our beautiful moment way. But in order to remain open, honest, and fully naked with one another (pun intended).

Yes, you will hit bumps in the road. Feelings will get hurt. Expect it. Talk about it. That’s when you remind your partner how much you cherish him and how much you love making love with him. The key word here is, “with”.

Make love with one another. Embrace one another. Explore together. Experiment. Take risks.

I dare you.

 

 

2 responses to “You want to do WHAT in bed? Three “must have” conversations for sexy sex [part 2 of 2]”

  1. Rick says:

    Great job, Donna. Lots and lots of terrific, practical advice.
    Why is it many of us look at sex in a whole different way from everything else we share with our partners? If we truly love our mates, then why can’t we talk about anything and everything, including sex? It’s just sex, after all, right? No biggy.
    Nice series. Well done.

    • Donna Smaldone says:

      It’s a good question, Rick. I think because sex (and moreso, TALKING about sex) is SO intimate and personal and ‘naked’ that people struggle with sharing at such a vulnerable, transparent level.

      Thanks for your encouragement and continued readership!

      Love, Donna

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